No Day Without A Thought

I wrote about it this week, the [[Non Violent Communication]] technique with yourself.

In short, ask yourself
 - what you currently feel
- what thought fuels that thought
- what observation fuels the thought (and i guess, if that is true/fair/helpful)
- what is your need
- your request how that need can get fulfilled or at least respected and a little acknowledged
link 

This sparked a whole lot of changes in my mind and behavior already. Having been through a burnout I also wrote this week then about how you feel like you lost your sensors for your needs. 

Additionally, I've been known to be immensely busy. Well knowing this is weak and a pure excuse to either seem important or not deal with my internal self. 

Taking more breaks, actually thinking and starting to write again brought me back on the path to dig deeper. I like to understand, but also I have not really taken the time to think. 

In simple, a phrase I just read was stock vs flow. 

Also getting more into RoamResearch, I want to use Roam to actually think again. That is what's intriguing. So I also got inspired by looking up - like A LOT - how other people use it. 

And then also about the concept of digital gardens. I've been writing on NoDayWithoughAThought for a while, but then took a break again.

People who inspire me to think again by writing and sharing:
[[Buster Benson]] - buster.wiki - @buster
[[Anne-Laure Le Cunff]] - Ness Labs - @ness_labs
[[Tom Critchlow]] - Digital Garden - @tomcritchlow
[[Derek Sivers]] - Sivers.org - @sivers
[[Ryan Dawidjan]] - thumbsonglass.com- High Cadence Thoughts- @ryandawidjan 

While I have not found my proper setup yet, I will not let the tool search stop me, but continue and organically a setup will pop up. 

Couple of habits that help me (and I am sure everyone else, bc we basically are the same)
- take breaks, proper breaks, not just stopping what you are doing and then going on Twitter
- do sports and get outside
- sleep
- be conscious what you are doing and why aka go through the NVC exercise 3x a day
- writing is a great way to stop and actually think
- you don't need to read another article. the tactics and strategies are well known, "successful" people just apply them vs needing to read another article that tells them what to do (irony, this is one of those articles, you're welcome) 

Tl;dr
Feeling good using my brain and noticing how I am getting a level deeper again. Curious to see what's hidden there.

Bear with me here. Guess as usual, I don't really know where this is going yet, so let's explore together.

This is a thought that I always had and probably has many more external sources and internal data points, but popped up again most recently 2 times recently (which I am aware off).

Namely [[Bob Iger]]'s podcast with [[Tim Ferriss]] and [[Kevin Kelly]]'s 68 unsolicited advices.

From my markdown writing I guess you can see that I am writing in Roam Research. This is another post itself.

So..

Bob was pointing out multiple times the importance of optimism. And as many cynics immediately say, not in the sense of being unrealistic, rather what's the point of doing anything otherwise, as there is always a chance something could go wrong. But as long as it didn't go wrong, you are still going.

Kevin also brought up too points:

- Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points.((hFeCM_foo))

- Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists. To be an optimist you don’t have to ignore all the many problems we create; you just have to imagine improving our capacity to solve problems.

In the end..

...optimism is what gets you out of bed

...optimism and enthusiasm will give you the energy to go further

...when only being negative and low energy, you simply won't go that far, I mean why would you and also you don't see what's possible

...negative news get more attention but no one wants to stick around for that

... humans want dreams and possibilities

...humans are attractor to doers and makers, people who want the world to be better

...you might end up in a leadership position over time and consider this sentiment when leading people

...optimism and being enthusiastic are self fulfilling, like a big smile - either because it actually happens or because of your confirmation/selection bias and filtering

...life is simply also just easier, lighter and happier with that attitude

And even if you are super cynical. Rather see it as a game. Being cynical is associated with being the humour of intelligent people. While I certainly wouldn't say this hits home a 100% of the times, let's assume it's mostly true. So you are intelligent. Shouldn't you rather believe in your ability to find a solutions? Make it a game, whatever you can think off, you need to find a way around.

The fun part is: often when you can just think one step further that's already progress for many, so share that.

Not sure I actually said it on here or not, but I had a burnout last year. It also am not sure if that will ever go away. Not that I can't feel energized or genuine happiness. Rather the effects/learnings will remain and with that more sensitive sensors which hopefully will continue to serve me. 

 Often burnout is not the result over overworking only. It's rather the feeling of not accomplishing enough. So while you are rushing through the day, checking of boxes, you feel like you are not checking off the right boxes. Meaning you might still go to bed unfulfilled because of you didn't check enough or what I mean the boxes you actually care about. You are just never getting to the important stuff. 

An analogy that resonated with me: imagine you are on your bike and the chain came off, but you don't stop. You keep pushing. And because you are not making progress, you push even more. While still not going somewhere. 

This could be seen as a weakness. And I certainly felt that way. Sometimes burnout also comes with his/her (idk which gender), depression. While I luckily had one, but feel like it was a mild one, that also doesn't bring you too much of a positive self talk. 

However, you somehow can't fully grasp how you ended up there and while I believe in you are responsible and primary care taker of yourself, there is a couple of external things also potentially pushing you into this. Or maybe internal conflicts and beliefs. 

Overall, what happened to me, I neglected my needs. When you check of boxes that you sorta find less important than other boxes, but still do them for whatever reason. Some needs remain unfulfilled. With that you basically tell yourself your needs are not important. 

So you need to literally relearn to feel your needs. They however became so numbed down that they don't even show up, because why should they. You showed them often enough that they don't matter. 

It's a process of trying to listen in and not punishing you, if you don't know what you need, but being gentle. And over time, your sensors will become better and on the other side, your needs will also show up. 

This post was sparked by the interview of Bob Iger and Tim Ferriss. Bob Iger is the CEO of Disney. And while is could be considered wildly successful he seems fairly humble and at one point talked about the importance of his workout routine, choosing a positive mindset while knowing things might not work out and how he preps when he meets people (a simple Google search like everyone else). 

I am not trying to diminish anything he said and he accomplished a lot of things not everyone can accomplish. I sorta took away from it: things can be simple. It's the techniques which are by now well documented. It's not a shortcoming of knowing the techniques. Just by simply applying them. 

Be curious about your needs and values. Don't judge. Work out. Get fresh air. Move. Eat mostly healthy. Don't drink too much alcohol, if at all hard alcohol. Read. Let your mind wonder. Work on something you find meaningful. Make and nourish human connections. Respect and prioritize your needs. 

Easier said than done. 

I am not sure when I got introduced to NVC the first time, it's been some years. I really dig the concept and think there should be no other way ever being communicated with/in.

However, even if you think you are doing it, are you actually doing it correctly? Like following NVC actually requires you to dig deeper. So either you are crystal clear in every moment and so mindful that you always know what's going on, or you might actually need to take a step back, pause and think/feel what is going on.

Like it's not just about, so here is your behavior, this makes me feel sad, would be great if you can do that the next time.

Ok, if you're doing that, that's already a good start.

But..why should the person do that? What is your need?

Sure, if someone attacks you, you can say "well me need is not to be attacked". Guess more likely it is to be respected, to be seen, to feel connected and valued.

This is from the perspective of an argument or someone externally involved. You however can also use NVC for yourself when no one else is involved. More often than not, it's usually not about the others, but only about you.

Here's a quick video which goes through this quite nicely within 5min. I would encourage you to listen to it and then 2-3 times a day, just go through the motion. It's not about being another chore or todo list item. Rather, do it, hopefully it feels good and comes naturally. Don't beat yourself up too much, if you don't follow through. Sometimes it's just not the right time.

Anyway, here is the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQzDnlizQjYhttps://

I've already seen myself as lucky and fortunate of how my life shaped up, besides believing in a healthy dose of "Every man is the architect of his own fortune."

However, this year has been big and as with every other life area, this one (mindset, self awareness, approach to life) is never done and constantly evolving. Meaning, some were new realizations/eye openers, others I already knew but found a new connection/deeper level with and others I am trying to get rid off.

- i am a white male, society hugely benefits me, i don't need to spend so much mental space for potentially difficult life situations based on my appearance/gender and prejudices from other people
- i am born in Germany at a time of no war, i always have access to running water, a shelf over the roof and can decide who i want to marry, what job i want to do, little crime
- my parents are from the typical middle class, I studied, many people with that setup have a tough time finding their "spot" in society, sometimes having difficulties relating to the middle class or vice versa academics
- i am incredibly fortunate that i had my parents, they are always behind me and support me no matter what i would do. they were the ones making sure I'd go to gymnasium (prerequisite to attend university)
- there were a handful of moments were i hung with the wrong sort of people and my parents forbid me to make those real friendships/spend time with them
- i am grateful that they somehow found the balance of doing everything for me - maybe being a little too soft on me as I am an only child - but keeping me on track, teach manners and a sense for what's right and just that I listen to them/understand when I crossed a line
- i am grateful for having had multiple people crossing paths with me and believing in me, bringing my thinking on a new level with advices, books, opportunities or just by being there and me being able to observe how they deal with life
- the feeling of bettering myself, being a social class higher as my parents, being more around the people who make the decisions vs being affected by those decisions without being part or rather being independent/running life under my own terms has both good aspects/makes me ambitious but also aspects which are depleting
- there is a certain attraction to mindfulness, gratitude practices, yoga, meditation, creativity, doing things with your hands, nature, wondering if humans are actually any good for this world (like is the thrive for innovation actually sth good for anyone else besides humans), philosophy, on the other side though there is this achievement orientated/social class thinking in me where I want to be on the top and compare myself
- when i was younger i thought life is just a great place with tons of opportunities (lol but also true), currently i am surprised of how complex, non black-white it is, everyone is carrying a nice package of good and bad life experiences that shape them and their actions
- yes, things might have turned out differently if you would be wiser, a better leader, a better partner whatever, fact is, you are apparently not, so let's not pull yourself down, try it and if sth doesn't work for the 46th time, leave it
- reading White Fragility has been huge for me this year. I've been looking for a book like this to help me make a leap for racial awareness, bc I'd like to think of myself as open minded etc, however i also noticed that if i got called "privileged" it didn't resonate well with me, as my parents don't have much money and we couldn't do a lot of things. in jobs i also needed to prove myself as I didn't have the chance of attending Harvard or have family members to bring me into certain jobs or expose that life to me, after grade 6 my parents couldn't help me any more and I needed to learn everything myself/find mentors, put in the extra work. While all this might be true and is great for me that I did it, i am a white male which comes with many benefits and if a woman or a person of color would have done the exact same, they might still not where I am which is obviously not how it should be. Also that it is "normal" to have prejudices/certain racial mental models. While we should obviously try to take steps to reverse them, one should own that this is the case, society shapes your thinking: how many black country leaders are there, how many women are in board rooms, who earns more money, who makes most of the Hollywood movies and impacts our thinking, what types of people do you usually see on magazines, where are the "bad" neighborhoods, who lives there, what smell do you associate with that and the people, ... and then asking women or POCs about how to fix it? Do your own research, you don't need to steal more time away from them explaining it again and again + they are being disadvantage, the actions need to come from the people in power which are most often white males, ie remove pictures and names from CVs when hiring. Little things here and there, speak up in situations to improve the invisible system. Educate and help make the change.
- don't focus too much on yourself, make it a great time for other people, be fun to be around with, don't hang with people who don't see your efforts and don't return it either in similar gestures/compliments or any recognition, take time for yourself, you don't need to live up to an image other people have of you, do your own thing and see who comes along, find the balance of what you accept in other people and what not, don't be too harsh on yourself and also not on other people, do something new, do things just for the fun of it, take breaks, don't sprint a marathon

tbd (or maybe not)

Life's interesting and while we're here, let's embrace it, consciously make the decision to enjoy each moment. Not only what you're doing, also how you're doing it. Just literally get joy out of it.