A friend who is about to take a big leap in her life and move to another country recalls that everyone around her says the good old quotes 'do what you want to do / everything will work out / there is no fixed path we need to take / etc'.
Even though she exactly believes that she has a hard time feeling encouraged by those words, because no one of the friends are doing it themselves - me including.
I've been following that advice myself, but that time seems like a different life these days. Then I looked into myself and realized that it is already two years for me to be in one company. Three years in Berlin, where I didn't necessarily wanted to be in the first place - or just not right now, but eventually. Friends are getting married and become parents. I'm going less out and dig my head into ridiculous work hours (maybe because I am afraid to face other challenges?).
There is a bunch of stuff privately as well as professionally that is in my hand but I deprioritized or/and a lot of things that I let take over my life. I haven't done sports either and didn't focus on my health which is usually the perfect sign the things go downhill. Overall, I haven't been much stable in the last two years. It was a constant up and down with full force into healthy lifestyle and 6x sports/week, or binge watching series with chocolate, take away food and a beer (in whatever order).
For two weeks I am alone at home right now which is time I use to set the base for a better trajectory in life. I've been to yoga, started journaling again, running and gym, deleted some time waster apps on my phone, went to a networking event, hang out with friends playing scrabble - it feels good.
I missed self determination. to be continued (or not)