I have a really hard time when relationships change. Mostly the part where one would get deprioritized. Not in an unhealthy/taking advantage of me situation, just that life and ppl and priorities change. Like they might get a kid, they might focus more on their job etc.
If being completely honest, my selfish thinking here feels hurt. This is not the only feeling I have in that situation, I am genuinely happy for them, they should do the steps to make themselves happy - just want the same friendship as before;)
Side note: you know that when your friends tell you sth like your weak spot and also you yourself are aware of it. But since nothing changed it basically became this thing one just accepts, maybe even poking a little fun at it, but well, nothing changed. And then you hear the same thing from another person or in another framing. Well, that happened to me yday.
I received the feedback that this is a selfish thought.
This hit me.
We are all selfish to some extent, but I guess I became more selfish recently generally and also in my view on friendships. What do I get out of it? I am still not sure where this is coming from. Could be a take on fear of change/stability. I think that increased after the breakup and feeling lonelier. Covid could play a role. While relationships and a core group for trust are important, there is a void that I want to fill with other ppl spending time w me. It's like an affirmation of being good enough, they want to spend time w me. And I need that affirmation in a repeated manner. Some every couple of days, some every week, some every 2 weeks, ...
The behaviors are not really out of the ordinary. It is more the thought that drives the behavior which is unhealthy.
Solution?
Focus more on yourself and what makes you happy, fill that void. Then be there for your friends, enjoy every moment you have w them. Focus on them and what they need. Initiated, but also let folks initiate.
different angle for another time: having many friends/what are close friends vs loser friends/friends from childhood vs new ones